While words can be the most damaging tool the enemy uses to destroy the child spirit in us, add physical abuse to the mix and that child’s spirit seeks shelter in some very dark places. The severe beatings I received with a belt and fist by my stepfather I could endure, but when the words – You’re an idiot and you’ll never amount to anything – were added with each crack of the belt, you feel worthless, less than and humiliated.
There are not too many things in this world that can make a boy/man feel more disgraceful than being sexually abused. As a man I felt weak, like there was something wrong with me as a man. Why was I the only one this was happening to? However, when I heard these words of my then pastor – Randy it’s just part of growing up and we are not and will not be gay – the disgrace and humiliation came pouring down over me as though a huge thundercloud had opened up its floodgates.
I carried the secret and pain of my abuse with me until I was forty-nine years old, no one knew about my abuse other than my wife. I turned my back on God and the church when I was eighteen and felt as though I was walking under a huge cloud of humiliation, disgrace and shame for most of my adult life. I didn’t think anyone cared about my pain, after all I was constantly being told – Who do you think you are, just get over it.
Well who am I? My name is ________________ and I am a child of God and my voice, my pain, my disgrace, and my shame do matter. Jesus does care about and love me, regardless of what I have been told by others. God does not care that I turned my back on him, he has loved me and protected me all of my life. Like the prodigal son when I tuned to God for help, he was there with loving and open arms for me. Luke 15:20 say 20 So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
- Who in your life has disgraced or humiliated you?
- Who have you disgraced or humiliated?
- Are you willing to start the process of forgiveness for those that have hurt you?
- Are you willing to make amends to those that you have hurt?
- Remember we cannot change the past, but what we can change is the future.